Observation..........

I am convinced more and more daily that everything happens for a reason.  Everything that happens during the course of a day is predestined....I say this especially today because it had begun as one of "those" days for me.  The days where I just "exist".  The days where I get up only because I have to take my child to school or something else that is NECESSARY....If the necessary wasn't there I would just bury my head in my pillows and stay in bed the entire day.  I've noticed that this day usually comes on Fridays...Mainly because Thursdays are hard days for me.  My Mama went into the hospital, left me and was laid to rest all in a span of 3 consecutive Thursdays and now (more irony) my therapy appointments are on Thursday.
I don't particularly care for therapy. I am required to go through my job's Employee Assistance Program in order to receive my full benefits. *shrug*....I've been through 4 therapists since I've started because I'm a "have it your way" kind of person.  I feel if I'm paying for something, I should be able to have it the way I want.  When I order food at a restaurant or fast food I order exactly what I want...... At McDonald's when I notice they're slow, I order my fries with no salt (to make sure they're hot) & at Burger King I order my Whopper with cheese, no tomato, no mayonnaise, extra pickles, cut in half (well, "have it your way" is their slogan isn't it? lol).
I've changed therapists because one talked too much, one didn't talk enough and the third just asked the dumbest questions to me.  I really don't like when they ask, "How do you feel about that?" Really?  If I knew how I "felt" about anything, F*#& I NEED TO SIT HERE WITH YOU FOR?!?!
The one I have now is cool and reads me a little better than the others.  She knows when to and when not to talk. lol.....Even though I am very comfortable with her, it doesn't make these sessions any less DRAINING.  I HATE sitting there for that hour feeling like I'm getting ABSOLUTELY NOWHERE because my "scores" are still the same......
This week though, she asked me if I had picked up the book she's been telling me to read for the past I guess two months.  Hope Edelman's, "Motherless Daughters"...I told her I had not.  She asked was it because of my fatigue or forgetfulness.....I could have used one of those excuses, but I told her that I haven't gotten it because the title bothers me.  I'm not a "Motherless" daughter.  That title says, to me, that my mother never existed or I never had one.  So I'm not at all interested in reading it because I am put off by the title.  It may very well be a good book, but I'm kind of stubborn like that.  She said that she would see if there was another book that would be better.
Then today, when I woke up in my usual "Friday Funk" because I was "forced" to confront my feelings on Thursday.  After I made my early morning runs and ate something I headed straight for my bed to bury my face in my pillows until it was time to do more running in the afternoon. 
As I lay there not yet sleeping I turn on the Oprah show because I just KNOW it would put me to sleep because I don't like it.  Strangely enough I watched the ENTIRE show start to finish.  Then "The View" comes on (which I kind of like)...The ladies were talking about their favorite books.  Whoopi Goldberg tells how she lost her mother in August.  I IMMEDIATELY start tearing up.  She tells how she hasn't grasped it, how it seems surreal, how her mother was her first love and first best friend....ALL OF THE THINGS I FEEL....Then she says her favorite book is by C.S. Lewis.  So at first I'm like, "WTF the 'Chronicles of Narnia' dude have to do with losing a parent?"....She mentioned a different book though...It's called, "Grief Observed".  She said it is a book of writings he did when he lost his wife.  Now, this book title doesn't put me off and at least I have heard of C.S. Lewis (not very familiar with Hope Edelman).  Also, a book of writings about loss intrigues me because I'm writing about loss here. 
Now had I just laid myself down and drifted off to sleep I would never have heard of this book and wouldn't be excited to pick it up and have a read......

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.