Ain't Nobody Bad Like Me..........

Yes, here I go with my music again.  No secret to anyone that has come into any type of contact (even briefly) with me that I love Prince and anything/one he has anything to do with. LBS

One of the BEST times in my life that I can remember was when I went to see Prince's Musicology Concert Tour.  We were all on the shuttle bus headed from parking to the Allstate Arena and all of the sudden someone on the bus got notified on their cell phone that the opening act had started.  When he announced it, everyone on the bus was like, "Yea, ok.  So we'll miss some of the opening act."  Then he yelled out, "IT'S THE TIME!!!!" The bus was stuck in traffic and we weren't far from the entrance so everyone started rushing to the bus exits.  ME TOO!! It was BRUTAL waiting for the driver to open the doors so we could get out and rush into the arena. LOL

This song by The Time, while it's not one of my favorites by them (their slow jam Girl is my fav)....I think this song serves as an anthem for me. No arrogance intended.  #okmaybealittle :)

As an only child, I had to get used to people challenging me because they "thought" I would have no back up since I had no siblings.  I had to learn how to fight QUICK.  Mostly by trial and error (read: getting my ass kicked until I got it right, lol). The first thing I learned (which I think I acquired in Judo lessons), was to stay calm.  Your opponent is more thrown off when you seem cool and collected.  As I got older, I did forget these teachings and would scream/holler/curse......all to no avail.  Then as I got WISER, I went back to my initial method of just being "cool" *Morris Day voice*. 

I really couldn't hang with the hollering anyway.  When I yell either I get a headache or cry or both. So it really wasn't productive.  So, instead of yelling in an argument I speak softly and DIRECTLY making sure that I use words you can understand WITHOUT using profanity.  Weird ain't it? I have a FULL swear jar but  when I'm arguing with someone I won't swear. LOL Also, depending on how much you've pissed me off. I'll just keep saying I'm cool, because I really am. If I am pissed off to "the highest point of pisstivity" I won't say ONE WORD. #thenlookout

I can't say that I'm "slow to anger"....I still get FIRED up (especially about my babies).  But, I can say I speak slower and try to avoid the BLAZE! Cuz, I'm so...COOL :)

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

Interstate........

This is the day to celebrate the Resurrection of Christ.  While everyone got up this morning to don their Easter best and file into sanctuaries to listen to Easter speeches and sermons.  I fell on my knees in my favorite spot in my room to have a conversation with God.
It was a private conversation so I won't share with you the particulars, lol.  But, what I got out of it may be invaluable.  I rose to my feet with a new (but same) outlook on life.  I know that seems weird, how can it be new, but the same?  Well, if you don't know by now that I'm a little "unconventional".  Then you haven't been reading long at all. LBS
I've made many changes in my life within this past year.  I feel good about those changes, even though some close to me may not. Some of those changes have included letting people I put out of my life back in.  I've done that because if I want people to accept the fact that I have changed (and I used to be SOMETHING ELSE, LOL)...I need to accept the change in others.  To say I forgive you and still harp on something you did/said in the past IS NOT FORGIVING.  Since it's been slapped in my face that nothing lasts forever and life is too short.  I have chosen to live my life to the fullest.  Love who I love and not "hate" anyone.  Hate is a disease to me.  I can't say I'll "love" everyone.  That's unrealistic at best.  But I can chose who from my past I accept and forgive, who from my past will be a "non-factor" in my life (KLH, lol) , who from my present will I  bring with me to my future and who from my present I will just let exist with me in this time.
I think of it as a 4 lane highway.  Some will be with me in the carpool lane, the others will just be driving in the same (or different) direction and not getting to the destination as fast....the others will be getting off at the next exit.  To those of you carpooling with me, know that I LOVE YOU and there is NOTHING you can do about it. *Rev. Vaughn's voice* :)

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

Four & Twenty Blackbirds.......

The date 4/20 means a lot to me.  Not for the reasons you may think because I haven't smoked weed in YEARS. LBS.....However, for some reason, people tend not to believe me when I say that.  Maybe it's the locks in my hair or maybe it's my calm demeanor. *kanye shrug*
Don't get me wrong.  I don't see anything wrong with smoking marijuana.  I am one of the people who thinks it should be as legal as alcohol is.  Mainly because the affects of being under the influence of weed are less drastic as being drunk.....If you're drunk, you lose your faculties and control of your motor skills making you a danger to yourself AND those who may come in contact with you.....If you're high on weed, you want to eat and/or sleep. That makes you a danger to the refrigerator and your bed. LOL
I don't smoke weed, cigarettes or drink a lot of alcohol (I occasionally get my sip on, :) ).  I think laughter and love are my highs.  I crave those two things, when I have them I am elated.
The reason this date means so much to me.  Is for one, I was married on this date.  Nine years ago today, I became a "Mrs." for the first and possibly final time.  While I won't be "celebrating" this anniversary, I still can't act like I don't know what today is.  The other reason this day means a lot to me, is that it is the day I lost the first man who ever loved me.  Possibly the ONLY man who ever loved me unconditionally and wholly!
That phone call at 5:13am from my Daddy's long time girlfriend is ETCHED in my mind.  I forget/missplace/leave a lot of things and/or memories behind, but this is one of the few I'll never forget.  How some say, "Where were you when 9/11 happened."  To me it's....Where were you when 4/20 happened.  It's really weird to me, because I feel like exactly ONE YEAR before that fateful phone call I got up around that same time in the morning for me, my daughters and my mother to get ready to get our hair done and head to the church.  Now, I was on the phone wailing and heaving asking God to bring him back.
I accepted the fact that he wasn't able to walk me down the aisle like I had always wanted him too because he still wasn't ambulatory.  I felt I took all of that in stride.  I just made sure to give him a "shout out" on the wedding programs and keep it going.  I felt like since I had accepted all of that.  Why would God take him from me one year exactly to the date that his little girl's hand was given to another man?
Maybe it was God's way of helping me remember the date.  Especially since he knows I don't participate in the "Weed Day" festivities.....However, now I'm starting to think that he knew my life would change and I would need to remember it for a different reason from the one I did.

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

The Moon.........

Being the private person I am, there a LOT'S of things many people don't know about me and I like it that way. One thing I didn't tell people (up until the other day), even if they would ask is my middle name.  Mainly because I don't like the way people mispronounce my name or always ask questions like "How did you get the name Raven?", "Did they name you after Raven-Simone?" (I'm old enough to be HER mother :( ) or the ever so annoying...."Is Raven your real name?"
So to tell people my middle name was never a thought because I didn't want the questions to even become MORE obscure or have them mispronounce it.  I think them saying it wrong is probably what would bother me most. #nitpicking :)
I don't really know why I'm like that.  Maybe because I was an English major.  But simple things like that make the hair on my neck stand.  Something like when someone mispronounces my daughters' names, Devin (they will say Divine or Devon) or for Dylan they will say (Die-lan) and this is even before they realize that they are girls. Since I did give them names that are commonly male, I don't mind when they say "he" instead of "her" but I do correct it.
The thought of someone butchering my middle name that my Mama thought so much of really irritates me.  So, I really never tell anyone what it is.  I stopped using my middle initial in my signature when I got married because to me Raven K. Cox didn't look right and the "cuh" sound from the K & C seemed redundant.
Now that Mama's gone, I want everything that was her and me back. So, I've started using my middle initial again.  
She told me that my middle name would have been my first name if she hadn't have lost the bet with my Daddy. LOL....Those two know they LOVED playing the odds. #cute
She also told me that she liked it because it was the last name of a lady she worked with at the telephone company.  She had to have been a very nice lady for my mother to even consider giving her only child her name.  My mother was very particular who she spent time or energy on.  (I get that from her.)
Now my Daddy chose my first name because he said the raven is one of the most beautiful and INTELLIGENT birds.  Yes, I had a head full of jet black hair and he had read the poems of Edgar Allan Poe.  But he said the fact the bird was so smart was what drew him to the name.
As I got older, I got used to my first name and began to like it.  I've always liked my middle name.  Especially when I looked it up and found it means, "Like the Moon".......

I think I am, like the moon.  Always moving, always changing, never appearing the same and standing silently..
"You'll always know the reason why, that song you heard will stay on your mind."

So for those who don't know or those who did and don't know how to pronounce it......

My full name is Raven Kamara Hall (Cox)
......Kamara is pronounced Ka-Ma-Ra...No long "a" sound.  The only long "a" sound in my name is in my first name Ra-ven.
So there you have it.  Here it is....Here I am.....Raven Kamara (aka Ann's Baby). :)

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

Glaze Me.....

"You scream I'm lazy. You must be crazy. Thought I was a doughnut, you tried to glaze me." <3 Rakim

I really think sometimes I think TOO MUCH.  I really get offended when I think someone is insulting my intelligence.  I don't like it one bit.  I ESPECIALLY don't like it when I can't really speak on it or let the person know I know they're full of shit. LBS
I'm finding it comfortable adjusting to the new changes in my life.  I know that I've done what's best for me and I know that this was the time to do something for ME instead of the usual living for other people.  I've lived for my kids (which I still do and will continue) and I've lived for my husband.  Now it's my time.  When I think about my life, the only person I didn't live for was my Mama....she lived for me.
I love to think about the little things she did for me.  How she ran my house for me when the Post Office had me away from home from sun up to sun down.  How I never worried, like I do now if everything was ok.   I never got a phone call from home unless it was her calling to tell me about some foolishness that happened, or that I needed to pick up something for her or just to talk.
I can not tell you how much I miss that long "Helllllooooo" she used to do.  For the past 11 almost 12 years I've committed to a relationship.  I've been part of a "team". My Mama and I were a team as well (Mama & Baby tag team, lol)...Now I'm back on my own and while I'm a little apprehensive (with good reason).  I know that this was the best decision for all involved.  Most of my apprehension comes from the fact that when I was single before, I always had my Mama and even my Daddy to help me through the hard times, when money got tight, when the kids got out of control or when I just needed to scream/cry/shout.
I miss the frustrated look she would give me when she KNEW I was going overboard with something and she was just waiting for me to shut up so she could tell me I was wrong.  (I would talk more to prolong hearing it, lol.)  I remember overhearing an argument when I was about 15 or 16 between her and my Nana when my Nana was telling her that I didn't do anything but lay around the house.  She told her, "That's a lie and you know it.  One thing my child is not is LAZY." :)
While I love nothing more than laying in my bed, she is right.  Lazy isn't my persona, I have a need to get things done.  I will get things done.  I will get through these obstacles to my happiness and persevere.  I am not a doughnut, can't be glazed. :)While I'm not where I want to be in terms of life/love/happiness.  I'm getting there by the grace of God and by the love of Mama (because I still FEEL her).

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

Changes.........

I know it has been a while, but I've been really busy lately. I'm not at all complaining, because all these different projects have my mind occupied and have the potential to make my pockets ENORMOUS, lol.......I've had MUCH to talk about, but no time to put it down on paper (or blog, whatever).

When Twin and I first reconnected I immediately realized how much she LOVED politics. If you were a friend/acquaintance/facebook friend you were aware of her love of the political ins and outs. When Karen (candidate here for Mayor) first asked me to help her out I thought I'd do a "little something" here and there (not a lot). Then when I got a call from her husband asking to do more, I thought well.......I guess I can, Twin would like that. :)

Well, yesterday was the last day to register to vote. As I was taking voter registrations and absentee ballots out to the county building I ran into someone who knew my Mama. For the life of me I can't remember her name but I did remember my Mama never considered her a close friend. Sometimes when I see people I know in the street I purposely will avoid going in their direction just so I don't have to have the "phony exchange".....That awkward, "Hi, how are you? What have you/the kids been up to? Where do you stay now? yadda, yadda, etc..." I can't stand that phony crap. They don't care and I don't care, so why can't we just say, "hello" or *nod* when we see each other and keep it moving? That really works for me.

Well, since I don't really know her name, I'll just call her "nosy lady".....Well nosy lady asked me how I was, that was cool. I told her fine and she says, "ok, you can tell me that. I know you're not fine." *blank stare*.....Then for lack of another "ice breaking" question, she asks, "What are you doing up here?" I just leave it at, "dropping off paperwork". Then she notices my red shirt and says, "That's a pretty shirt. Red looks so nice with your skin tone." So my first response was, "My Mama tells me that a lot."....Then another question or rather a statement, "You carry yourself SO well. Such a lady."....My next response, "I get that from my Mama. She's a really classy lady. I'm not quite where she is, but I'm getting there. Plus, neither Mama nor Daddy would allow me to be any other way. lol"....Then she pauses and says, "You are speaking of them in present tense? That means...." Me, irritated now, "I know what present tense is. But I speak of them that way because as long as I AM they ARE."  So I won't use past tense when speaking of them because I don't want to change how I think of them. #simple

She stood looking dumbfounded, I guess plotting her next approach to get the desired reaction I THINK she was trying to get (me crying). I begged out of the conversation, saying I have to run....Then she wants to end the conversation with a hug.....Now I do like hugs (ESPECIALLY when it's my kids or someone else I love) but stranger hugs for no apparent reason bug me. LBVS

So as she halfway put her hands out for a hug, I said (very dryly), "Oh. No thanks." Before I could get a response/rebuttal I walked off.

It's amazing the changes some people want you to go through so they can watch and pity/ridicule/gossip about you. All in the name of Jesus. Because, 9 times out of 10, the people all up in the business and ready to gossip about something they know NOTHING about attend church services every Sunday. They probably are gossiping while they are supposed to be receiving the word. As an only or "sole/soul" child (stolen from Ti Glover, love it)....I am VERY particular about who I spend my time with, who I touch and especially who I tell my business too. If you fall into any of those categories with me, consider yourself VERY SPECIAL to me.

The nosy lady, is not at ALL special and doesn't deserve to be in my inner sanctum so her fained attempt at concern for my well being was an epic fail......Much love to my inner sanctum. #youknowwhoyouare

I thank and appreciate all who will read. ~ Peace