"Til Time Runs Out of Time

Loss is never a nice word.  Whether in sports, finances or life.  But, you have to deal with it none the less.  The loss of a parent is never nice.  However, why is it that it is sometimes much easier to cope with loss of father than loss of mother.

For some it could be that father was never there.  Not knowing how that is, I would assume that this type of loss would be harder.....Thinking you never even got to know someone who is now gone for eternity.  For others, it may just be because mother was just closer and in some instances "kinder".  Then, yet again, for some it may not be that easy at all because it hurts as much, if not MORE.

As my birthday draws near, I'm not thinking about another year of life coming to an end and a beginning....I think that I'm getting another month closer to another Mother's Day and HER birthday.

Now when I think about Mother's Day, I think why just one day?  Why just in May?  Who picked that month?  Who picked Sunday?  I think this way now because of my personal loss and the fact that with her birthday being in May, the whole month just bums me out.

To me, there is no one day that can sum up the value of a mother.  There is no one way to describe what a mother or motherhood is.  Mainly because it is different things to different people.  Just to be frank, some mothers don't value their roles at all......but, on the flip side.  Some children don't realize what they have until she's gone......

Any person who is not barren/sterile can bring forth life.  Not knowing how to foster the emotional and spiritual development of the life brought forth is the tragedy.  Only one person can show an individual the love, care and adoration of a mother, better yet a "Mama".  That's what mine was to me....my "Mama".  She was a friend, support system and an enforcer.  All in the name of making me a better me.  In the context of fostering my emotional and spiritual development.  Of course all life lessons weren't learned.  All advice not heeded, so mistakes were made.  The responsibility of a "Mama" is not to offer an, "I told you so", or an "I knew it".  But, an "it will be alright" or "we'll get through this".

So, what do you do when all of the sudden that support is gone?  When the two by four that's propping you up is KICKED right out from under you?  You can only do one thing.....FALL!!! The key to taking that fall is how, when and if you GET UP!!!

It is perfectly alright to fall when you lose someone as close to you as your Mama.  In fact, if you are an only child like me, it's all but expected.  You just have to know the tools you need in order to get back on your feet and continue to live your life the way she would have wanted you to:

1. Support System- You need that person/group of people who will step in and be that shoulder to cry on, that person to hold that two by four to keep it from coming out from under you again....This needs to be someone who is NOT self-centered. (Yea, you know who you are. LOL)
2. Space-  Too many people in your face with the, "Do you need anything?" or "Are you ok?" to me tend to add more to the problem than help ease your stress. The thing I hated most during the time I was making arrangements for my Mama was the constant "drop bys" from "concerned" (read nosy) people who were oblivious to the fact that I wasn't  happy to see them and just wanted them to go home & leave me alone....The worst thing during that time was the "family dinner" a group I belong to gave me which basically was an excuse for the women in the group to sit around & eat.  The TRUE person from #1 will already know that you're NOT ok. Your Mama is gone.  You are SO NOT OK!!!! They sometimes are able to determine what you need and do/get it for you. 
3. Time-  Some people tend to put a time limit on grief.  You hear people say, "You need to get over it" or "Just give it some time"....I've never understood that.  Even though all of the rituals have been done (funeral, repast, wake, etc.) You have nothing left to do but grieve....How are the parameters set on how much time you can grieve a loss? 

Bottom line for me being that I'm not sure of the time when I won't wake up and ache in my heart knowing I can't call her.  I'm really not sure I want that day to have to come.  Yes, the tears may flow at the mere mention of mother, mama, mom or mommy.  But, at least you know that you had tears because you had love and GAVE love.....

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.