This month has been a whirlwind of change for me. My first born moved further away from me in order to broaden his horizons. While I am happy about what he has to look forward to, I had a hard time dealing with him leaving (I cried most of the day). It wasn't the first time we've ever been miles apart, but I just feel that since I lost my Mama, every change, disconnect, evolution is a heart-wrenching endeavor.
I also went to my class reunion. I have been out of high school for 25 years. WOW! I'm old. LOL......This was a bittersweet weekend. Last year around this time, I was speaking with my friend Thelma about going to these "reunion" things. She had been down for our "All Alumni Weekend".....I didn't make it to the picnic to hang out with her because I was in one of those "moods" where I didn't feel like socializing or leaving the house. I promised her then, I wouldn't miss another alumni picnic AND that I would go to our 25th reunion with her.......
Well, this past February, my girl, my "twin" went to heaven without me and this past weekend I went to the reunion without her. Every time I saw something funny or someone we used to hang out with (or even talk about, lol) I thought of what she would say and how she would make me laugh. I even thought about how we would look dancing one of those many slides together (she was a great dancer). :).....As I looked through the pictures taken by many people over the weekend, I thought of how many pictures I was in and how many pictures would there have been of me & Thelma.
These past two years have been more than a journey for me. Right now I'm starting to see the end of the rainbow. Everything is not as I would like it to be. I still hurt/cry/mourn. But, I'm finding my way. I'll be fine.
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
25 August 2011
03 August 2011
Independence Day
As an only child, I'm used to doing things alone and/or for myself. It physically pains me to ask someone to do something or help me. However, I always find myself being the first to ask someone I see in need. "What do you need?" Or observing what someone needs and taking it upon myself to help them get it done.
I've found recently that sometimes you have to ask for help.....but, you have to know WHO to ask. There are some people who pretend to have your back only for their benefit. Sometimes they're transparent. Sometimes they are better actors than Sir Laurence Olivier. #realtalk
Then there are people like the few....let me say that again FEW, VERY FEW, not a lot, minute, minuscule, scant number of friends I have....that have my back, front, side, top & bottom. #realtalkagain
Sometimes you have to let your guard down and read people around you. Sometimes they want to help and don't know how. They need you to tell them what to do, how to do it, how to help. That doesn't necessarily mean they're that person who doesn't want to help....They're just the person who needs a little "help" with helping. lol
It really gets under my skin when people ask, "Do you want me to....?" For instance, you see me struggling to bring bags in the house and ask, "Do you want me to help you with those?" Ummmm, no!!!! I would like to struggle and possibly break something I just bought! WTF?!?!?! LBDAS!!!
I guess I'm the personality who needs someone like myself. Proactive, just get it done. Have the answer before the question. #jeopardyplug lol.......In my relationships, I will ask my mate/friend for help....ONE TIME....I won't ask again, I'll either do it myself or pay someone else to do it for me. For some reason, to me asking over and over is like begging. The value I give myself will NOT allow me to "BEG" for ANYTHING! Be it favors, money, time, food or LOVE. My support system of certain family members and friends makes it unnecessary for me to have to beg. If I ask you once and you don't do it, I'll give a courtesy reminder and then if it's still not done....I'm doing it myself. I won't bring it up that I had to do it because you didn't....I'll just gain more knowledge of what I can get accomplished solo and how independent I truly am.
In this new life of mine, I'm enjoying "re"-learning the things I can do. "Re"-learning what it feels like to answer to no one. "Re"-learning why I like being with me so much. :)
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
I've found recently that sometimes you have to ask for help.....but, you have to know WHO to ask. There are some people who pretend to have your back only for their benefit. Sometimes they're transparent. Sometimes they are better actors than Sir Laurence Olivier. #realtalk
Then there are people like the few....let me say that again FEW, VERY FEW, not a lot, minute, minuscule, scant number of friends I have....that have my back, front, side, top & bottom. #realtalkagain
Sometimes you have to let your guard down and read people around you. Sometimes they want to help and don't know how. They need you to tell them what to do, how to do it, how to help. That doesn't necessarily mean they're that person who doesn't want to help....They're just the person who needs a little "help" with helping. lol
It really gets under my skin when people ask, "Do you want me to....?" For instance, you see me struggling to bring bags in the house and ask, "Do you want me to help you with those?" Ummmm, no!!!! I would like to struggle and possibly break something I just bought! WTF?!?!?! LBDAS!!!
I guess I'm the personality who needs someone like myself. Proactive, just get it done. Have the answer before the question. #jeopardyplug lol.......In my relationships, I will ask my mate/friend for help....ONE TIME....I won't ask again, I'll either do it myself or pay someone else to do it for me. For some reason, to me asking over and over is like begging. The value I give myself will NOT allow me to "BEG" for ANYTHING! Be it favors, money, time, food or LOVE. My support system of certain family members and friends makes it unnecessary for me to have to beg. If I ask you once and you don't do it, I'll give a courtesy reminder and then if it's still not done....I'm doing it myself. I won't bring it up that I had to do it because you didn't....I'll just gain more knowledge of what I can get accomplished solo and how independent I truly am.
In this new life of mine, I'm enjoying "re"-learning the things I can do. "Re"-learning what it feels like to answer to no one. "Re"-learning why I like being with me so much. :)
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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