Heartbeat............

"No matter how hard we try. We just can't say goodbye. Don't leave me with regrets, cause we haven't finished yet......."

I got my first tattoo when I was 31. I had never really thought about getting one, then I was sitting in the tattoo parlor with a friend who was getting one and looked up and saw a drawing of an ankh and I guess it spoke to me, because an hour or so later it was tattooed on my back. I always said eventually I would have my children's names put on me but adding another tattoo was really never a big deal to me until she left. When she left me, I decided I wanted her name on me as well. Somewhere where I could see it all the time. Not on my leg or ankle or back. I thought about my hand. But, since I own a business, that wouldn't look professional. It had to be somewhere that could be covered easily by a business suit.

I procrastinated about getting it. I said I would do it in the summer. Summer came and went. I said it would be my Christmas present to myself. Christmas came and went. Finally, Friday when I woke up, something told me to just go ahead and do it. The picture of it had even come to me. The day got kind of hectic, it got late, so I put it off for another day.......yesterday.

The tattoo parlor opened at twelve. My daughter and I got there at 12:30. The artist drew my vision 4 different times and the last time we had it with a few minor adjustments. I sat in the chair in anticipation.....As the artist tore into my skin I did breathing I learned in my Lamaze classes that I hadn't used since I had my last child almost 16 years ago. Surprisingly enough, I think it worked. Don't get me wrong, it hurt like hell...But, the pain was tolerable because I couldn't wait for the end result. I didn't cry at all until she was finished and I saw it in the mirror. It is SO PRETTY! So worth the pain. It doesn't even hurt any more, just a little uncomfortable if I touch it.

I really was happy to finally have done it. Even though I have to go back when it heals to put the finishing touches on it.....Even the times I just stood and looked at it in the mirror I was pleased. I still am pleased. Just a little thrown off.............

My Mama LOVED the movie, The Five Heartbeats. I remember for Christmas in 1999 my kids wanted to give her the VHS tape.....She was supposed to come Christmas Eve so I had to get it before then because when she came I knew we would be together the whole time and I wouldn't have a chance to pick it up.......  I couldn't find it anywhere. I went to video stores all around my area and no one had not one copy.....I then started to call around to different video stores outside the area to see if they had a copy. Finally, I called Blockbuster Video in Schererville. The clerk said they had one copy. I raced out there to get it. Now the movie was I think 10 years old, but I still had to pay $20 for it, lol. But, it was worth every penny because she was so happy to get it.  I actually saw the tape the other day.......
Today, after I got home from shopping I walked into my daughter's room and she was watching the movie.  I instantly got a pain in my heart.  Like someone just punched me.  That didn't stop me from coming into my room and turning to watch it myself.  I remember when she would look at the scene above she would try to sing along, my Mama could NOT SING AT ALL and she knew it, so when she tried to it was always funny to me....funny to me then, when she was here......today it made me cry.  Cry, HARD....

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.