Emergency Contact

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"Pull up to yo' spot on low. Shinin' brighter than all of the cats they got on glow."

This is me ALL DAY.  I love Mos Def and this is one of my FAVORITE songs by him solo, outside of BlackStar.  (SN:  Dave Chappelle looks BAKED in this video. #random LOL)

This is a hater anthem (one of the BEST in hip hop), when I first put it back in heavy rotation in my home/car/head.  I saw it JUST as that.  I was having drama/confusion/ridiculousness brought on by a hater and I was using this song to keep me level. It worked, as music often does...besides that, I know all too well the circumstances of the hater and how pitiful they are, so I'll just brush "him" off and let life take care of  "him".

I thank God that I'm relatively in good health.  I have a few small things going on, but nothing life threatening.  This month being Breast Cancer Awareness Month, I went to get my yearly mammogram and just got the results that I'm fine.  I know a few "Survivors"....One in particular I REALLY feel that "he" needs to focus on staying healthy and let go of fantasy and grab onto reality so "he" can be around for "his" kids.  But, oh well....that's on "him" if "he" doesn't.   I have family & friends to live for and that's basically the ONLY thing that keeps me going when this time of year rolls around.  This is the time of year when she left me and my heart has not been the same since.

I was in the doctor's office yesterday "updating" my medical information.  As I got to the section for "Emergency Contact", I stopped and my eyes filled up.  I HATE to cry (even though I do it damn near daily)...but I ESPECIALLY hate to cry in front of people/strangers.  I don't want anyone's pity.  As I tried to will the tears back into my face, I tried to continue writing the info for my "Emergency Contact"....Having worked in the medical field, I know that it's best to have a local emergency contact in case someone needs to get to you right away....I didn't have anyone locally that I would be relieved to see if I was scared and laid up in a hospital.  My adult children are in different cities and my Mama is GONE.  My aunt is local, but she freaks out easily and can REALLY exhaust me. LBS...

I cried even more when I realized how important having an "Emergency Contact" was to me.  Even when I was married, every time I filled out ANY form that asked for an emergency contact.....my Mama was the FIRST and sometime ONLY name on the list.  Don't judge (well, if you do...so what), but my life insurance left more to my Mama & my children than my husband and put her in control of my minor child in the event of my death.  It wasn't that I didn't love or trust my husband (at least I don't think that was the reason at that time), I just felt that he would still be able to work and survive...I needed her to be able to go on and take care of my kids for me with some sort of financial security.

I finally was able to pull myself together and put my aunt's name as the contact, not that I don't love her....I just would have preferred someone closer to my heart....outside of my children there is NO ONE closer to my heart than my Mama....I don't like this time of year because it seems like a "countdown" to my tragedy.  Coming soon will be two years since she left me and my world crumbled....it's not quite back together, but I was trying to get there.  I've even had some "new" and old help/support/love getting there.  I've recently had another obstacle on my road, but I am trying HARD to be an overcomer.....it's "seems" to be working....stay tuned....

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.~ Follow me on Twitter @RavenAboutMe