I'm not particularly a superstitious person, but I do sort of believe in signs. That day I mistook this for a sign that she was getting better. Mainly because it wasn't the first sign. I spoke about the sign that the ICU charge nurse's name was Thomasina (my aunt's name and not a common one...especially for Caucasians). Then another sign was she had a PM nurse named Ann. This was the best sign to me. As cold as it was, one of her lilies had bloomed.
If I hadn't been so one-sided in my thinking, I may have considered that this was God's way of telling me 3 TIMES that I needed to tell her goodbye, but I COULDN'T. I held on to every hope and dream that would leave her here with me. Then I even thought, if she has to go I want to go with her. That was the most selfish of my thoughts. Selfish because then my children/her children would suffer more.
I don't know if I still believe in signs, good or bad. I felt so let down after this sign "failed" me. But, I do know I believe in ME and I believe in the LOVE she had for me and that's the only "sign" I need.
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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