Liberation

Most of the time when I come into my room the first thing I turn on after the light is my stereo/radio/or laptop music library....I'm not really into television unless there is something specific I want to see (cartoons, basketball, a good sitcom, etc...). Half the time I have to remember to turn my tv on. lol
Music is my salvation, it makes me smile and tells me stories I need to hear. This song by Outkast with CeeLo, Big Rube andErykah Badu is on my top FIVE of favorite rap songs of all time (YES, OF ALL TIME).
Andre Benjamin wrote this, he must have been right inside my head when he penned these lyrics. Just to go through it a little, it starts...."There's a fine line between love and hate, you see, came way too late but baby I'm on it..."
Very true words. If you had told me a year ago, hell, three months ago that I would be at this point in my life/love/emotion, I would've been REALLY surprised. I would've said, "No, I don't think I'd turn back the clock like that." But, that's what I'm looking at/living with. I'm tight rope walking on that "fine line".....The spirituality of my being doesn't allow me to accept the word "hate" into my vocabulary. However, I'm not a "We Are The World" type of person where I "love" everyone. People I have "no love" for receive pity/sympathy/apathy. In my opinion, hate is an emotion that requires twice as much energy as love. So I don't have time for it. I have faith in the rules of the universe. The 360 degree rotation of the universe and it's beings/events/circumstances will eventually take care of each situation in it's due time. Without any help from me. I just have to wait patiently and govern myself accordingly. This is where I fall short sometimes. Oh well, I'm only human. With all the self-esteem/confidence/love of self I have, I still am not perfect and make mistakes. The key to those mistakes for me is that I learn from them and grow. God doesn't allow you another year of life to do the same things, the same ways you did in the previous year. Unless you did everything perfectly and made no mistakes.....But, if that were true, you would be God. LBS
I'm often told that I'm "mean" I think mainly because of the directness of what I say more than that I'm actually an unfeeling/selfish/mean person. I don't answer to/accept/embrace any of those characteristics. I know the loving person that I am and so do those around me. One thing I know I'm not, something that can never be said of me is that I'm fake. I keep it 100 24/7/365. If you don't want to know the truth, ask someone else the question is my motto. That's where another verse comes up, "Can't worry 'bout what another nigga think, now see, that's liberation and baby I want it...." In my life now, the situations I'm in, as well as the situations that have been thrown at me. I decide the path I'm going to take to deal with my issues. I will listen to what others have to say, but ultimately, it's my life/happiness/well being as well as that of my children, that is first and foremost for me. No one knows what's best for me like me.
You would think once this new chapter of life opened for me I would keep moving forward instead of looking back. Well, sometimes when you see something from the past that had value, you have to dust it off and put it back in use. Sometimes it will work for a while & then break down again. Sometimes it will continue to work without a glitch.
Like CeeLo sings, "If I sacrifice every breath I breathe to make you believe. I'd give my life away..." Please always take me at my word? My word is my bond, I'm not a liar. I'm not selfish either. If I take the time to tell you how I feel/what I want, that's because I value you/us/WE enough to share that part of me with you. I'm a private person (that only child thing). So when I share anything, ESPECIALLY feelings....that is a HUGE deal.
"I'm so tired, so tired my feet feel like I've walked most of the road on my own........." For so long I've been independent, even when I was part of a "team". But, now I'm "liberated" to the point where I have to say "excuse me" to the person/people who are walking on the road with me because we're bumping into one another.
So what I'm on now is embracing this "Liberation" so I will just,"shake that load off...." and "keep my head to the sky......" Mainly because that's what the Queen in me has to do.

Damn, Andre 3000 hit REAL HARD with these lyrics!!! <3 Outkast

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

Patronizing........

This title word and it's definition really get under my skin.  I don't like to patronize people and I DEFINITELY don't like when someone tries to patronize me.  It's an EXTREME insult to my intelligence.  Ask anyone who really knows me and they will tell you that I would rather you punch me than to treat me like I'm an idiot. LBS.....
Lately, I've found that some people are so smart....THEY'RE DUMB AS HELL!!! I've heard older people say that my whole life, but never realized until recently what they meant.  Some people can "smart" themselves into catch 22 situations that they don't even know they're in.  You know why they don't know?  Because they are too stupid to know.  #sadbuttrue
Then the sadder thing is that what they do not only affects them, but it affects those around them.  Well, maybe all the time it's not a sad thing.  Sometimes when a person sees another person going in a bad direction they may say, "I don't want that to be me.  That is not normal."  But, too often, it's someone looking at bad behavior saying, "This is normal.  This is how life is."
After all of the loss and pain of my life, I want and will have my life as "normal" as possible.  The perfect amount of normalcy for me would of course include my Mama....but wishful thinking aside....I know that the normalcy I will have from this day forth will include the love I have been giving/receiving from those around me who CLEARLY love me.  It will be minus drama/pettiness/foolishness....Insignificant people and their events will be handled the way the Universe has designed and I will not focus my energy on them or any of their negativity.....I'm too FABULOUS for FOOLISHNESS. #newmotto LOL

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.

RESPECT YOURSELF!!!

This is one of my all time favorite movies....Not ONLY because Denzel & Wesley are finer than a MF in it. LOL....But because of the story.

Of course we've all known and/or dealt with a "Bleek" type (male or female)...That's not the part of the story I really like. I go a little deeper with it.....

Look at the women, Clark & Indigo. They were dealing with Bleek and knew what he was up to....but, who did they take issue with? THAT'S RIGHT....BLEEK!!! Not one another.

Throughout my life/loves/relationships, I can say that when a "Bleek" situation came up (and too often for my taste it did come up)....my point of contact was my man. The one who said he was with me, committed to me, even that he loved me.

Too many times, people with low self-esteem and no respect for themselves will come at the wrong person when the object of their affection no longer wants them. They will come for the new love. Knowing often times that the new love is unaware or in some cases doesn't care of their existence.

What amazes me is the lengths that some will go. The methods they will use. The way they will degrade themselves (and others who are dumb enough to get involved). They will go through all of this to no avail.....sometimes it will end the new relationship....sometimes it will make the new relationship stronger....but hardly ever will it make the person who DIDN'T WANT YOU TO BEGIN WITH WANT YOU AGAIN!!!

This is particularly why I always tell my children how much I love them and how great they are. Honestly, I think too many parents may have dropped the ball on that. Instilling self-esteem in our children is a duty as a parent just as much as it is to feed or clothe them. When parents don't, you end up with crazed/psychotic/irrational people who stalk/maim/violate others. Don't believe me? Go to your county jail and talk to some of the inmates. Listen to them say how they're locked up for stalking or beating up their girlfriend/baby-mama's new dude. Go to the hood and talk to Boomquidra and ask her about one of her three baby-daddy's. Listen to her talk bad about his new woman and how she sat outside her house with the kids all night just because or bust HER (not his) car windows. Just straight pathetic foolishness. *smdh*

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace