Wanted to.........haven't been ABLE TO.
Can't blame that on the depression....cuz as far as I'm concerned & for all intents & purposes *Looks at last fragmented sentence & pops self in the back of the head for overuse of filler words* LOL
*ahem*.....I'll try this again.......I can't blame not being "able to" write on my "diagnosed" clinical depression. Because, in my not so medical opinion, I'm over that. I'm feeling better, more motivated & HAPPIER. No thanks to the prescription meds they TRIED to push on me......All I will say is Tommy Chong (or is it Cheech Marin) has the right idea. ;-)
I haven't been able to write because I paralyzed myself. I took myself out of the game.....I was scared I didn't have anything to say....but forgot....WHAT I SAY HERE IS FOR ME. So in my mind, I always have something....at times TOO MUCH to say.
The other thing that has me humbled, grateful, tearful, melancholy....(there I go with the filler words again). But, in this case, they all fit. The past 12 month period brought numerous life/love changing events. The first I want to mention is that my first born son will be 27 in a few days. I'm so blessed to still be able to look at that face. I know so many who's sons never will make it as far as he has. #therebutforthegraceofGod
Then another thing is, I found someone I thought I would never see again.......that discovery has me tearful & melancholy....but, I'll save that for another blog. Now is not the time.
The final thing that has my feelings running wild is that in a little over 8 hours, my second born. My baby girl....my mirror.....will be graduating from college!!!!!
"When I look at you, so hard to believe. You're a younger version of an older me."
~Brian McKnight
I listened to that song on my ride & immediately thought of her. I would just say that she's a younger, BETTER version of an older me. I look at all of my children and know I don't deserve them. That HUMBLES me. The fact that God gave them life through me, makes me GRATEFUL. The idea that I want better for them all the time & I wish their Gigi was here with me to watch them do the awesome things ahead of them makes me tearful........
The fact that their Gigi is a MAJOR part of who they are & I know still watches over them.....that's the melancholy.
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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