Insignificant?

I spent the entire holiday season worrying about the "days" that were coming or going.  Worrying how they were going to "affect" me.  When I should have realized there is no significance in any of these dates.  Mainly because I dictate my own feelings on any given day.  That makes the dates insignificant, but my reaction to every day I wake SIGNIFICANT.
I do thank God every morning when I open my eyes (or night depending when I open my eyes)....After that, I analyze what was seen in my mind's eye before I awoke.  Those dreams or nightmares or visions, whatever you want to call them.  I wish I had a formula of what I should eat, watch, say, do before going to bed that would change the way I dream.
I've often heard people say that they can never pick a dream back up once they wake up.  I wish that were true of me.  Maybe it's because most of my dreams are so similar they run all together.  And they "all together" WEAR ME OUT! 
Last night's/this morning's dream was about the arrangements.  Me sitting in that room, yet another room, like the "bad news" room in the hospital.....The funeral home puts you in a small room to go over the "arrangements"...There's a table and chairs...for some reason in this room there were LOTS of chairs for just me, my Nana and my husband.   There of course was the obligatory box of generic tissue (conveniently out of my reach so I would have to ask someone for it).....
The dream took me through it again and again.....The moment when I walked in the room, remembering that I was just in the SAME EXACT room I was in with my Mama a little over a year ago sitting with her while she made arrangements for her sister's "home going".....Then sitting there looking at this man extend his hand to me and tell me how "sorry" he was.  I remember my husband putting his hand in place of mine-I was tired of touching people.....
As we sat and he tried to go through different "options", I sat there saying, "Whatever, I don't care, just make sure it's nice."  This is what was said in my dream....That's not what I said that day.  That day I kept saying, "Whatever she (my Nana) wants."  It wasn't that my Mama & Nana had a very close relationship, it's just that I didn't want to be there doing ANY of it....it really didn't matter to me.  In my dream, I chose the casket....the funeral home we used has a "casket room"....I remember when my mother's sister passed, I didn't go in that room with her and I sure as hell didn't want to go in there on that day.  In my dream I chose the casket, on that day I was irritated that I even had to go into the room.  I remember on that day, my Nana, who doesn't walk well, scooted around what seemed to be EACH CASKET IN THE ROOM....She looked at me and asked which one I wanted, I stood mesmerized by one that had a ribbon on it that said "Mother".  She asked did I want that one, I said, "No, just looking at it"....I didn't want ANY of them! I just asked her then to please hurry and pick one (I felt like the walls were closing in on me & I don't have claustrophobia).  I don't understand why my dream had me happily choosing one that looked nothing like the one she had.  The one that my Nana picked because it was the same that her sister had had.......
The final irony in my dream/nightmare/vision?  Me doing her hair.....Before my Mama left me I'd never touched a "dead body" (wow, it's even hard to TYPE those two words).  For some reason, I kept touching her.  Her hand, her face, her hair...I know that it was just her shell, but it was still my Mama's "shell"....Even though I kept touching her, I did not or would not have done her hair like I did in my dream.  In actuality, I made a phone call to her regular hairdresser to ask her to please do her hair so it would look like she'd always worn it.....In my dream I didn't make that call....In reality, that phone call was BRUTAL...All I did was blubber into the phone, which made her blubber into the phone once she could figure out what I was saying....
Is there any significance to the way these dreams/nightmares/visions play out.  Is it even significant that I remember my DREAMS when a lot of times I can't even remember what to pick up from the store?!?!  I don't know if I'll ever know, I do know that one night/day I hope to sleep without these reminders/remembrances.  Maybe that will be the peaceful rest.........

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.