Greeting Card..........

People always tend to think I'm strong.  Which is not a bad thing, but at times it can throw me off how people assume I can handle everything.  Sometimes I would like someone to handle me with kid gloves.  But, I know I can't have it both ways and it does piss me off for someone to beat around the bush. *kanye shrug*
Last weekend, my Aunt, my Mama's youngest sister gave me the plague that had been on my room door at my Nana's house for YEARS....I was really glad to have it because I remembered when my Mama first put it on my door and I saw it when I came home from school.  It is a little ceramic plague that says "Raven's Room"...I screamed with joy when I first saw it on my door.  My Mama would always get cute little personalized things for me.  Of course she would have to order them because back then my name wasn't common.  Today, every other kindergarten class has at least two Ravens thanks to "That's So Raven" (swear I really want to punch people when they say that to me, lbvs).....After Mama left me, I really wanted to have that plague so I was glad she was able to get it for me without breaking it.
That made me happy, what she gave me today, made me a wreck....

I stopped by to see my Nana for a minute.  As I was leaving, my Aunt hands me a greeting card.  She said she was looking through things and cleaning and found it....She looked kind of nervous (but if you know her she usually does, lol)...So, I looked at it strangely and when I opened it my heart sank....
Before I read any of the words, I saw my Mama's handwriting.  Then I read what it said on the right side of the card first:

"Mama, Here's the money for Raven's Easter shoes.  I'm going on Monday to see if I can find her something green & white for Easter.  Daughter, Ann"

Then feeling the tears coming in my eyes, I read the left side:

"Dear Raven, Mama couldn't find any other card to send.  Daddy has the clipping with your name on it.  He said he was going to Xerox it and put it on the wall.  Here is your allowance and give Pookie his $1.00.  Love, Mama & Dad"

I just stood there in my Nana's kitchen in shock.....I remember these cards. Either her or my Daddy would send me a card each week when I was visiting Gary with my allowance in it and a note.  This one was a card for a baby shower, that's why she was saying she couldn't find another card to send, lol.....I had not thought about these cards until I had this one in my hand.  In my hand that was shaking because I really wanted to sob.  But, I didn't....I did this other thing that I do now, that I've never noticed that I do, until now.....I sigh really hard and a moan will come out like I have a pain....I guess in a way I do have a pain.  Well, no "guess", I do.  My Aunt Cookie, as sweet as she is, just sometimes doesn't know what to do with herself and I could tell this was one of those times, lol....She didn't know what to say or how to say it, so I just gave her a wave like "I'm alright" and left.  Left to go sit in my faithful tear catcher, my car :)....I read the card a few dozen more times and let the tears come.....I'll probably read it a few THOUSAND more times before it's all said and done.
I know how much I miss them and I know how much little memories/mementos mean and how much they can hurt....I know this should be a good memory, when I think about how far they were away but they still made sure that their daughter knew she was a priority.  Still giving her allowance like she was at home, still paying for my Easter clothes/shoes.  I actually remember the green & white dress she sent me (organza with satin bows) and the shoes from Mellicks in the Village :). I had to be about 8 or 9 because she mentioned my little cousin Pookie (I probably didn't give him his $1 though, lol)......
I am really I guess doing them a disservice when I tell people I wasn't spoiled.  When I think back on things like this, I guess I really was spoiled with LOVE as well as material things.  But, the love is more important to me than anything else.  Such a wonderful thing :)...........

I thank and appreciate all who will read.  Peace.