How I Met Her.........

I may seem serious and a little "mean"...But I really love to laugh. People who REALLY know me can even tell you that I'm a little "silly" and have a sarcastic wit.
How I Met Your Mother is one of my favorite sitcoms. It has very intelligent humor and that's what I look for in a comedy.....I hate the predictable comedies that give you the "laugh track" kind of laugh.....
This episode yesterday was the second part of an episode that ended with Marshall's (played by Jason Segal) dad dying....
I was emotional last week when it ended that way, but did not hesitate to watch this week. I even chose to watch it instead of the first quarter of the Celtic's game (and I love my Celtics). I laughed out loud quite a few times like I normally do when I watch it and when I wasn't laughing, I was smiling in anticipation of the next laugh....Then came the end...more emotional than last week. Marshall really couldn't remember his dad's final words. That didn't bother me, because I remember my Daddy's final words to me because we always ended our conversations with a goodbye. So of course, his last words to me over the phone on April 18, 2003 were, "I love you too Baby. Bye Bye."
My Mama's last words, while I remember what they were, didn't come to me as soon as I would have liked them to. When she first left me, it felt like I couldn't remember anything she said to me...it seemed like EVER. I went into extreme panic mode. It felt like I couldn't remember her voice. I hated at that time that I had cleared my voice mails so regularly. I remember when she first left me, I called her phone to listen to her message in which she just said her name. I kept listening to her say, "Ann" over and over.
When I finally calmed down and collected myself I remembered when I was sitting in the ICU with her that Sunday, November 1, 2009, the last thing she said to me before she went to sleep was, "I need to go home. I need to get out of here." Shortly after that she went to sleep. I stayed there for hours after that. Holding her hand, watching her sleep, looking towards the TV (not really watching it) and praying/meditating HARD......
I know my last words to her before she was put on life support were before I left the hospital at 3am Monday, November 2, 2009, were , "See you after work. I LOVE YOU MAMA." She was still asleep, but I feel she heard so I gave her a kiss on the hand and forehead and went home....
I cried after this episode of How I Met Your Mother, because I identified with the character's pain and because it brought back memories of my last "physical" interaction with my Mama. Not even what was said......
I have to say that unfortunately, I really disrupted the ICU when I realized my Mama was leaving me. I can still hear my wailing. A sound I don't think if I tried I could ever duplicate, nor would I want to.....I stood there looking at her saying goodbye and how much I love her....then something happened that I see very vividly in my mind's eye like it happened yesterday...........
The Pastor and the neurosurgeon were standing on the opposite side of the bed from me, my husband was standing next to me and I was standing right by her rubbing her hair, talking and crying......Now mind you, at this point she was still on life support and the neurosurgeon had just told me that the machine was keeping her here and she had no brain activity, none. So at this point it was up to me when to disconnect the life support.....So as I'm standing there crying and talking, talking and crying. I have not taken my eyes off her............Then I see a tear start in her left eye and roll down her cheek! I look up at everyone else in amazement and say, "Did you?" Before I can finish, the Pastor says, "Have mercy." So I know, I wasn't seeing things........I just wiped it away, leaned over her and cried even more.
The doctor looked a little shocked but I didn't even ask him what he thought it was, because it didn't matter. I knew then, I wouldn't be able to make a decision right away about taking her off life support.....But, I think that one tear was her PHYSICALLY telling me that I didn't have to make that decision.........She was never taken off the life support, she left on her own terms, her own way.....Being a Mama to the end. Making sure her Baby didn't have to make a decision like that.............

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.