Well, here comes another one. Another day/milestone/memory. I may as well get this blog done now. I intended to do it tomorrow, but why wait. Besides, I'm feeling pretty good right now. My team (Boston Celtics) just won a home game in the Eastern Conference Semi-Finals and I've got my "hair done, nails done, everything did" lol....because I'm going to celebrate my friends graduation.
Just because I feel good now, doesn't mean that within a blink of an eye I won't be a wreck again. Yesterday was pretty stressful for all kinds of reasons, but I did it. I have a great support system in my corner. I think if they weren't here I would definitely fall to pieces.
Always in my corner accepting/ignoring/tolerating my mood swings and cries. Sometimes saying nothing, sometimes saying too much. Either way, in some sort of way it helps me know I'm not alone. Even when I want to be alone, I know I'm not totally alone and that brings me all kinds of comfort.
I just for some reason still can't get past the symbolism of this month. What it brings to me. Heartache/abandon/loneliness. She would say, "My birthday is in 20 days." I would say, "And?" LOL....We would go to the buffet at the boat and then I would leave her there so she could get her gamble on. I don't really like to play slots. I feel if I put my money in a machine I should be getting candy, soda or a load of clothes washed. lbs So I would leave her there and come back to pick her up when she was ready. She usually broke even or won a little more than what she came with. She was pretty lucky that way.
I just really want to lay in bed all day tomorrow. In fact, that's what I plan to do. Don't judge me, that's the way I cope. It will help me. If I lay there and cry, well...my Egyptian cotton sheets are used to it by now and pretty absorbent. If I lay there and watch tv then so be it. It is supposed to be my day, so I can do what I want or don't want.....RIGHT?
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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