Neutral

I just want to tell the world to SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!  Run in neutral sometimes and let me catch up to everything/everyone around me.  These DAYS that mark the DAYS that were her last DAYS are zooming in on me and my heart is NOT ready......
Thursdays since she left me have been the worse.  My "friend" (term used with caution) was the first to point out to me that all of the tragedies happened on Thursday.  She went into the hospital one Thursday, left me the next and was interned the next Thursday......
Now it seems like as soon as the weekend is over, Thursday is here again.  Usually, that would be a great thing. Looking forward to the weekend.  But it seems that just as fast as Thursday gets here, it takes FOREVER to leave.  It seems as if it's my LONGEST day of the week because I think about it so much.
In therapy, she tells me to "plan something" to do special on Thursdays....I really can't "plan" anything.  My days are pretty much routine running around with a little "me time" in the middle....or even worse....the running back and forth with me just laying/crying in bed until it's time to run around some more.
The twists/turns/flips my life is doing right now really need her voice.  Honestly, because of the relationship my Mama and I had, I never really went to her for "advice" per se....Just sort of a sounding board to bounce my thoughts off of.  I was going to choose my own path right or wrong & right or wrong, she would be right there with me to weather the storm or to bask in the glory.  My sidekick/home girl/road warrior.....
Now, I'm the lone ranger....I have family/my kids....but there is nothing like Mama's ear....her neutral tone, her positive aura, her being my savior from negativity........

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.