Unfathomable

I really am in shock & awe towards a lot of things as of late.  One thing I can't believe is that it has been over THREE MONTHS since I've been here!!!!! I have sticky notes on my pc that say "BLOG!!!!!!!!!" & "WRITE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!".....but I just haven't been able to.

Wanted to.........haven't been ABLE TO.

Can't blame that on the depression....cuz as far as I'm concerned & for all intents & purposes *Looks at last fragmented sentence & pops self in the back of the head for overuse of filler words* LOL

*ahem*.....I'll try this again.......I can't blame not being "able to" write on my "diagnosed" clinical depression.  Because, in my not so medical opinion, I'm over that.  I'm feeling better, more motivated & HAPPIER.  No thanks to the prescription meds they TRIED to push on me......All I will say is Tommy Chong (or is it Cheech Marin) has the right idea. ;-)

I haven't been able to write because I paralyzed myself.  I took myself out of the game.....I was scared I didn't have anything to say....but forgot....WHAT I SAY HERE IS FOR ME. So in my mind, I always have something....at times TOO MUCH to say.

The other thing that has me humbled, grateful, tearful, melancholy....(there I go with the filler words again).  But, in this case, they all fit.  The past 12 month period brought numerous life/love changing events.  The first I want to mention is that my first born son will be 27 in a few days.  I'm so blessed to still be able to look at that face.  I know so many who's sons never will make it as far as he has. #therebutforthegraceofGod

Then another thing is, I found someone I thought I would never see again.......that discovery has me tearful & melancholy....but, I'll save that for another blog.  Now is not the time.

The final thing that has my feelings running wild is that in a little over 8 hours, my second born.  My baby girl....my mirror.....will be graduating from college!!!!!

"When I look at you, so hard to believe.  You're a younger version of an older me."

 ~Brian McKnight

I listened to that song on my ride & immediately thought of her.  I would just say that she's a younger, BETTER version of an older me.  I look at all of my children and know I don't deserve them.  That HUMBLES me.   The fact that God gave them life through me, makes me GRATEFUL.  The idea that I want better for them all the time & I wish their Gigi was here with me to watch them do the awesome things ahead of them makes me tearful........

The fact that their Gigi is a MAJOR part of who they are & I know still watches over them.....that's the melancholy.

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.