What is This????

I honestly thought I was done with A Raven in the Sun for today....I posted earlier and was satisfied with my post.  It's still there, a very light, poignant script.  Not the long intense stuff you usually see here but not a lot of fluff either.
I was in an "ok" place when I posted, nothing out of the ordinary going on.  My day going along as usual....So I'm REALLY trying to figure out what happened? Why, in a blink of an eye, a turn of a page do I feel like I just want to break and run....right out of my OWN SKIN....
What is making me anxious/irritable/sad/apprehensive all in one breath....The easy answer would be missing my Mama, as I do so often.  I think the easier answer is TOTAL GRIEF.....
I have lost a lot in my lifetime, family, friends, lovers....but nothing like this...I swear I was doing fine earlier today and then all of the sudden BAM!! I don't want to do this anymore, so I go to bed.....I did muster up enough energy to attend my therapy session, where I sat and really didn't say anything....I let the entire conversation go on around me as if I wasn't there because I DIDN'T WANT TO BE....I  just want to go to bed and sleep until I don't hurt anymore.  Of course, that wake up time will never come.  I know I will always hurt.  I know I will always think about that whole month of November, 2009 and cringe.  I'll always think about the regrets I have that I didn't get those tickets to take her to she Judge Mathis (who she LOVED) until after she was gone.  I was so mad the day I pulled them from the mailbox...all I could do is tear them up and throw them away like junk mail....if I wasn't taking her...no need for me to go and if someone else wanted to go let them get their own damn tickets (there's that only child Raven again, lol)....
I am really thrown off by days like this.  What is it that makes them start out so well and end in me wanting to curl up into a ball in the middle of my bed and just sleep? and sleep?? and sleep????
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace