At Arms Length....

I look at the way people are with me and just wonder, "Do you really know/care what I'm going through?"  I think because I don't walk around crying and I do laugh (a lot) at times, they think it's ok to selfishly try to take over my space/feelings. 
I have always been the kind of person who does not like random people touching me.  My favorite thing to do is put my arm straight out in front of me before someone approaches.  Then I find a spot on the floor that  I know when they hit it, they're too close to me.  I really need my three feet of personal space and my BIGGEST pet peeve is to be in line with someone who stands to close.  I just don't like being touched by strangers.   Sometimes I don't want to be touched by people I know.  I really have to prepare myself when I go to parties, events, weddings, etc for the people who are going to "hug hello".  The only people I don't mind touching ALL THE TIME are my children.  That's one thing that bothers me about going to church.  The fellowship time when everyone hugs.  You always find that ONE LADY who hugs too long or lets you go JUST enough to look you in your face and  talk to you for what seems like hours about nothing.
I am also not one to ask for help.  If I EVER ask you for something you can best believe I REALLY NEED IT.  The one person I ALWAYS went to for help is gone, so I'm helping myself....I don't like to ask people to even do the simplest of things for me for I guess "fear" of them saying "no" and then I'll be pissed.  I know that "no" never hurt anyone, but I STILL don't like to hear it. LOL
My problem with not wanting to hear "no", I also don't like to say it.  I try hard, maybe too hard to appease others in my life.  Most of the time to my detriment.  Sometimes I know that they don't mean to "put me out"  but I think even if they were to realize that they were putting strain on me, they would still ask.  In fact I know they would.  That's one reason I find it hard to believe that people think I am "mean" as they say.  If I was that mean they wouldn't ask me for anything, right? 
I also feel I am a "gracious" helper.  Meaning, I really don't like to ask someone to do something for me and they sigh, smack their lips or give me conditions on why they will do it and why they think I need their help.  So that's not how I operate.  If I can do something for you, you will have it done and never have me hold it over your head.  If I love you and you need something that I can give (unless it's something illegal, lol) I am going to try my hardest to make sure you have it. No conditions or I told you so's....I can not tell you how irritating to me it is to hear, "I'll do it this one time, but...."   Dude, how about you GTFOH?  I'll take care of it myself.
I don't ask a lot of people, but when I do ask you for something it is because I need it.  Not to just see if you will give it to me.  I assume that most people don't want to go around asking people for help, but there may be some. But to them I just give them a *side-eye* and keep it moving.  I am really at the point where I know who I am and who I can count on and I am SO good with that.....

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.