My Mama and I went everywhere together. She didn't drive so I was her personal chauffeur. Now that I look back on how sometimes I would be tired and didn't feel like taking her around and wished she would get a license, I would take all those thoughts back and carry her on my BACK wherever she needed to go. As long as she was back with me. I know, selfish again.
It was always funny to Mama how complete strangers would always tell me all of their business for NO REASON. I could be standing behind someone in line. They could turn to me and we'd say "hello" then all of the sudden I would hear stories of how evil their sons girlfriend is, how their daughter keeps her house nasty or their son won't get a job....Really, people have actually had conversations like that with me and I don't know them from Adam. That always tickled my Mama. She would say, "I don't know why they want to tell you all that. You don't even say anything back." I would shrug and say, "I don't know either, maybe they just want to talk and waste both of our time." We would laugh and go on about our business.
More recently, when the kids and I were at a train stop on our trip back from the family reunion in New York I stepped out of the car onto the platform to stretch and was standing next to a lady while she was smoking. I said, "Hi." She asked did her smoke bother me and I told her she was fine (thinking to myself, "I stood next to you, so you were here first."). Then she commenced to tell me how she was coming back from seeing her family in Brooklyn, how I look like her cousins daughter who's a model, how she has one daughter who keeps having babies and how her 3 youngest kids father wasn't any good and only came around when he wanted some. The ENTIRE conversation I think I may have said 3 or 4 words...Oh, did I mention we were on the platform together for NO MORE THAN FIVE MINUTES??? LOL
When this happens I'm not annoyed. I actually feel flattered that despite my face that a lot of people say looks "mean" people still can find me approachable enough to want to open up to me. Even if it may be kind of inappropriate. :) I am however annoyed with people who feel they can "make" me open up to them. The one's that feel like it's ok to ask me any kind of question as long as it starts with, "It may be none of my business...." or "I know you may not want to tell me..."
However, I don't think these exchanges are as exhausting as the ones where someone tells me how my Mama leaving me should have affected me and how I should be coping. The other day I was taking care of some business with my Mama's estate. As I was handing the notary the paperwork and the death certificate I needed copied she looked over everything and said, "Wow, your mom was young. How did she die?"...Well, first off when someone says, "die, died, passed or deceased" it IMMEDIATELY takes something out of me. I lose wind. Don't know why, I just do. I don't like those words. I always say "she's gone", "no longer with us" or the one that REALLY covers how I feel ~ "She left me." People who know me know that I have a very expressive face. Meaning you see whatever I'm thinking on my face (good or bad). My friend Carla would always say I was going to get us beat up at the club by the way I would look at some of the crazy outfits or hairdos we would see. So I am very sure this stranger could see I didn't want to have this conversation with her. If she couldn't see that, she should've been able to determine from my long pause that I didn't want to answer her question. But, either she was dumb or nosey (I think a combination of both). So she asked in a different way, "Was she sick?"
I flatly explained, "No, she wasn't sick. She went into the hospital and all of the sudden her organs started shutting down on her. It was very quick. The doctor put the cause of death as stroke." So, I guess my curt reply for some reason gave this woman the "go ahead" to council me. She came at me with the, "Well at least she didn't suffer. She could've been in a home or even worse she could've been murdered." *blank stare* SERIOUSLY?!?!?!....I wanted to say, "If I tell you that my father WAS in a home before he left me and a good friend of mine WAS murdered so I see no consolation in that. Would you then STFU?" Did she really think that telling me that my Mama left me in a "better" way I would hurt less? Did she think the heartache I feel every time I have something to tell her that I know will make her laugh or smile and I know I can't would go away??? If she thought that she either a fool or an idiot (again I say it's a combination of both).
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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