Expectations...........

I think I know the kind of person people see me as.....
I feel that strangers see me as unapproachable, standoffish, quiet.  People who know "of" me may see me as funny, smart and no nonsense. People who KNOW me I think see me as much more than I feel I am.  I feel they see me as smart, which is fine, but I can always think of someone smarter.  They may see me as funny, which I think I am, because I can always find humor in most situations and I really like to laugh.  They may see me as strong, which I am at times....Just not ALL THE TIME.
Sometimes I would like someone to just let me lose it! Let me cry, scream and yell and just hold my hand or rub my back when I'm done.  Don't judge me or say the all annoying, "You have to be strong."....Why do I "have" to be?  What will happen if I have a moment or a few moments of weakness?  I've seen others be weak and have held their hand or even taken over the situation and "handled" it for them....Where is the one who can "handle" stuff for me?  Oh, that's right...She's Gone!  I don't like that, but I understand that she is...But, where is the person who I need to step in and assist? Not replace.  She can never be replaced...Just assist.  I've spoke about this in therapy and I've determined that I don't have to tell anyone that I need you to save me...Save me from this hell I'm in, save me from my thoughts, save me from ME!!  There is someone who knows EXACTLY what to do.  I have a strong belief in that.  That person will not need instructions, he/she/it/they will just step in and do what I need. No questions/no judgements/no remorse/no EXPECTATIONS.......just UNCONDITIONAL LOVE.
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace