SCREAM!!!!!

Yeah, two in one day for me....had to come back here and log, to keep from SCREAMING! LBS.....
I've said before that I don't like arguing, conflict or drama. Right now, that is what is surrounding me and I can't seem to get out from under it. It's like I'm gasping for a breathe and there is NO AIR left.

It is times like this when I miss Mama the MOST....Just talking to her would help me know EXACTLY what I need to do without her doing anything but sitting and listening. A well, placed "Mmmhmmm" every now and then. I am not a cruel person, no matter how much I snap or how smart my mouth is I'm just not heartless. When I make a decision that seems that way, it is done with much thought and debate. Most of the time, I opt on the side that will cause me pain in order to spare another's feelings. There have only been a few times in my life when I've made a radically necessary decision that put my feelings in front of someone else's....the very last time before this I remember making this type of decision was over 16 years ago when I decided to "disappear" on a situation that was no good for me. I could have very well stayed put and continued with the way things were and caused myself and/or my family much more discomfort, but I think I made a "responsible" decision that was very unselfish at the time....Today, the decision I feel I have to make is a little more selfish, but just as necessary as that decision oh so long ago....The problem, I'm not being heard....and it makes me want to SCREAM!

If this is your first read with me, let me say again...I am not a loud talker, I didn't grow up in a noisy house, so I'm not used to all the screaming and hollering that goes on in some houses...But, I have noticed that it is somewhat unproductive, because everyone vying for center stage just makes for audience headache, not enjoyment.....interactions like these exhaust me.

Right now, I don't want to "say" anything......I just want to SCREAM and hope I am heard. That is the hard part, when someone so obviously doesn't want you to talk because they don't want you to say what they need to hear...Something they definitely don't want to hear. My Mama would throw her hand in the air and say, "LOOK!" and commence to telling it like it is whether it wants to be heard or not....I didn't get those genes, I'm not sure what genes I have here....My Daddy was pretty blunt, not hurtful, but blunt. He would say what needed to be said and let the chips fall. (Except when it came to my Mama, lol)...My problem is, I don't want to see these chips "fall", I think about karma but in this case I don't think "bad" karma applies because I'm not trying to be hurtful...I'm trying to do what's best for all involved....Still not good enough I'm afraid....I think in order to be free, I may have to SCREAM! *smdh*

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.