I didn't want to, but I will............

I hadn't planned on getting back here today.  Didn't want to, but I will....It's Christmas Eve and I STILL don't have any "Christmas Spirit"....haven't really done all the shopping I need to do.  I mean I haven't even picked up my groceries for the dinner I have to make....The dinner I have to make by myself again.
We're not going to do the whole turkey thing, just gonna switch it up.  I'll make my "famous lasagna" that my Mama loved.  She would always tease me about how it takes me two years to make lasagna when I'm asked to do it.  I mean I don't mind making it.  It's relatively easy (for me).  I just DON'T LIKE TO COOK and lasagna is the one dish that (if done right) takes up a LOT of kitchen time and I don't like to be in the kitchen.  My Mama did all of the cooking for us when she lived with us.  Even after she moved into her own house, when she would fry chicken (her and Dylan LOVE chicken) she would tell Dylan to come over and get a few pieces.  She would make dishes that she didn't eat (like tacos) and then make a separate meal for herself and Dylan.  Because surprisingly enough, they didn't like and did like the same foods.
If Mama was here today, swear I would make lasagna EVERY DAY if she wanted me too.  I'm not saying I wouldn't fuss about it, but I'd make it.  I always talk about the conditions or the things I would do if she was here.  I guess I still can't get over that hurdle that leads to understanding completely that she won't be here.  She won't be here to eat the lasagna for Christmas (which I know she would've thought was a good idea) or the sweet potato pies, the fried corn, the spinach salad or the candied yams or even the Louisiana Crunch Cake her granddaughter will bring as her contribution to the meal. :)
When someone leaves, you can sometimes remember some of the most insignificant things about when they were here.....I can remember her sitting in my dining room after a good meal, smacking her lips or resting her hand hard on the table where you can hear her bangles (like the ones I wear) possibly scratch up the table.  I don't have to say how much I would like to see all of that again today.  That would be the BEST CHRISTMAS EVER!!! As it stands now, HONESTLY, I'm just waiting for this weekend to hurry up and end.

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace