I am so sure that a lot of people know about making sure that your home is clean for the new year. We all wash clothes, clean out the fridge, closet, drawers and so on....
I've said before that my Mama taught me how to clean. She is the reason I make my bed every morning, the reason I won't eat "community food" or food from a kitchen I've seen is dirty and the reason I will almost burst my bladder before I use a public restroom. :)
The only thing that I can remember that my Mama used to do that I don't is iron. I REALLY don't like to iron. Sometimes I will re-think my outfit if I find what I want to wear needs ironing. I have even taken clean clothes to the cleaners JUST to have them ironed. That is how serious I am about NOT ironing.
So, tonight I will start my New Year's Cleaning. I don't really have a lot I need to do. The house has been pretty clean for a little over a month now (#insider, lol). But, as I often do, I will find something that isn't quite clean enough. I already know I will shampoo the carpets AGAIN because we have dogs. I will wash the few clothes that are in the hamper. I will re-re-organize my closet by color and style. Make sure my shoes are in the right shoe boxes. Purge papers I don't need anymore and actually PUT THEM IN THE FILE CABINET. Steam clean my floors, give the dogs a bath and shampoo my hair.
My Mama would have made black eyed peas, which I "sort of" like. But I'm the only one who likes them and "sort of" liking something doesn't mean I want to make a whole pot for myself. So I may forget that.
The only part of the whole clean up that I dread is going through the papers. I can never really get my focus back once I've gone through papers that have her name on it. Something she has written. A picture of her that I may have forgotten about (because I've seen them all), a card I may have given her or even a card she may have given me.
She had the NICEST penmanship. Her letters just seemed to flow onto the page. My Daddy had nice handwriting as well, so I don't know why I write like I only have a hook instead of a hand. lol....I really think I get my writing "gift" ,if that's what you call it , from her. When she still lived in Milwaukee she would write me letters to save on long distance costs. I still have many of them. Then when she left me, Devin went frantically through the house looking for a journal that she had asked her to write for her. When she finally found it and we read it together. There was one page that was a written apology to me. My Mama was not a perfect person, none of us are. Any of you reading that think you are perfect or are prone to judge or gossip, you may stop reading RIGHT HERE.......
When she first broke up with my Daddy she would drink a lot. I don't know if that was her way of coping with her heartbreak (because I know my Daddy did break her heart) or if I just noticed it more because it was just me and her and Daddy wasn't there . It's funny to me because I never would have called her an "alcoholic" because she would only drink from Friday night to Sunday....she was off on the weekends. So yes, there were some Mondays that I had to help her get ready for work because she may have drank too much on Sunday. But, for me it was just what I had to do because I loved her and real talk, she had to work because we had to eat! LOL
When I read the passage in her journal that spoke about how bad she felt about putting all that responsibility on me my eyes filled up and all I could say was, "Mama, I wasn't NEVER mad at you about that." Because, I wasn't. Maybe I should have been, but honestly, I looked at it like that was what I was SUPPOSED to do. She needed me, so I was supposed to be there for her. I believe that that is the reason I am the person I am now. Why I am a nurturer and why I am so strong (even when I don't have to be). Not because my mother was "weak", but because she was dealing with something and she needed me. Wait, no, we needed EACH OTHER....
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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