Panicking........

I'm the first to tell anyone, I don't handle things well sometimes.  Sometimes when faced with adversity, I panic or cry, panic AND cry, or just cry.  LBS....But, even through all the emotions I get things done.  Because in some way or another I've always had to rely on myself and do things for myself.
Yesterday, I did something I've done all to often in the past few years.  I went to buy flowers for a funeral.  This was SO hard to do because it was for my GIRL.  My Twin who I KNOW should not be gone and I am SO MAD that she is.  A different person who knows their limits, would have probably just tried to do it over the phone or even better called and asked someone to go with her.....I couldn't do it.  I always have to be strong and do things on my own.  Really because I hate to seem like I'm bothering people with my issues.  I never want to be a burden.  Also, I feel that if I call people for little issues, if something really big comes up they won't show up. In actuality a lot of times when I do call people for the big things they don't show up so I'm still disappointed and feel like an idiot for asking.  I stood in that flower shop feeling like the junky walls were about to close in on me and I would be swallowed by carnations.  On top of that, the lady who was initially waiting on me was such a BITCH!  I let my vocabulary cut her up though and she fell back. LOL...But, to get through that without losing it...I sent a text to a friend and the reply was what I needed to hear so I felt much better.  I was still ready to get the hell out of their, but I felt loved and comforted. :)
Then today, my day was just full from beginning to end.  Appointments, things to do, places to be and then when it was about time to come home and wind down....slowly riding down a dark street trying to avoid pot holes I couldn't see.....BAM!!! I hit a pothole and it takes out TWO of my tires, both on the drivers side.....It took a few phone calls and a good Samaritan to get me back mobile...But after a few initial expletives and sighs with hands thrown in the air.....I got over it.  I didn't let it stress me out and the best part --- I DIDN'T CRY OR PANIC.  *pats myself on the back*
Maybe I didn't because my mouth was in too much pain from getting my tooth pulled and I couldn't talk loud enough to scream and it really hurt if I talked at all.....Maybe it was because I have come to realize that non of that does any good.  (I actually knew that all along, but did it anyway)....Maybe it was because I know I'm blessed to have a car to be stranded in. (Some don't even have that.)....Maybe it was because I know that since I got the tires at Sears it won't cost much to replace them.....Or maybe, just maybe, I didn't panic because she was the one I would panic to and she's not hear to listen. *shrug*

I thank and appreciate all who will read.  Peace.