It's been almost a week but I still can't get my routine back. I had just begun to sleep a little better, not much, but a little. Then the past few days I'm up ALL night.....I can't really say what I do. I listen to music, but I do that throughout my whole day. Sometimes I'll turn on the TV hoping it will bore me to sleep, but the light from the set just really irritates me more than anything and the sound of the people's voices gets on my nerves.. ...
The simplest thing I can't get back to is my order. The order of things in my house. Particularly my room. Before my life was thrown off, yet again, I would get up and take the dogs out at the same time in the morning. I hate I got off that routine, because they were just getting trained to expect it. Luckily, Bentley (Dylan's dog) is smart enough to come and stand outside the door or scratch at it whimpering to tell me it's their time.....after taking them out I would take Dylan to school, if I needed I would stop at the grocery store....when I come back home it's time to get to work. Contacting clients and making appointments for the business....
Now, I'm forgetting what I need to get done even more than before. Procrastinating is my new "thing". I have not even unpacked my bag and I've been home since SATURDAY...my bathroom is a mess, but I did manage to make my bed this morning. For some reason I definitely don't sleep well if my bed isn't made before I get in it. *shrug*......
I thought today that Twin and my Mama are together. Although they only met in passing while they were here, I absolutely know my Mama would LOVE her....her down to earth nature, the fact that she smoke & drank. All things Mama did/was.....Just the fact that we were so much alike lets me know if they're together, they are happy to be around one another.
These past few days I'm having happy memories of Twin. Thinking about how funny she was, wondering what silly thing she would have said if she were listening to some of the nonsense I've heard in the past few days. Even what she would've said about Rahm Emmanuel being elected Mayor of Chicago.....
I'm not gonna dwell on what she "would have" said for now.....I'll just remember what she DID say. How she supported/comforted me without even trying. How wide I smiled when I saw the last text she sent me. Actually a 3 days before she left me: "Hey Twinny Twin....thinking about you girly. What it do?" After I answered either I erased her reply or she didn't send one. I just know seeing that "What it do?" and imagining her voice saying it made me chuckle a little. I think now about the texts we sent back and forth when I was feeling down and going through and vice/versa.....What I know is I think she helped me so much more than I helped her (if I helped her at all). What I also know is I am oh so grateful for those texts and I hate I didn't save them.....I wish I had. :-(
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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