Care More........

Being snowed in for two days has given me ample opportunity to catch up on lots of different things around the house and to sit still and think about things that are happening, have happened and will happen in my life.  I try very hard to look way ahead, but it feels like I can't get past the next few days.  I know what I want to happen later on down the line I think.  But, actually I just want to get through the next day.  I want to see the day where there aren't anymore tears.  I know I will hurt for the rest of my life, but if I can hurt and not cry so much I would really appreciate that. lbs
I've also come to a point where I'm being a little selfish.  Now, possibly I should feel guilty about this....I don't.  I think in some instances, other people are being selfish and not considering my feelings.
I love to be a person my friends and family can rely on.  I have readily accepted that as my roll in life.  I am a mother and "mothering" seems to come 2nd nature to me.  I really didn't think it would when I became a mother at 17.  I thought I was going to fail miserably and I remember feeling so sorry for this little boy who was stuck with me as a mom.  But, while I learned how to parent (through trial and MUCH error), I learned to CARE MORE.....
I care more for my children than I do for anyone else in the world.  There is not one thing I wouldn't do to make sure each one of them is safe.  My biggest fear yesterday when this storm started was that one of them would get hurt if they went out in it.  Thank God that wasn't the case.  I care more for them than my own life.  If I were told I would have to give them all 7 pounds of my vital organs, I would say, "Ok, fine.  Cut me up." No hesitation at all.
I care for my love as well.  I want to make sure he is ok, no pains or aches from working to hard.  No worries at work or anywhere else.  I would just love for him to have everything needed or desired to be the success that he wants to be in any of his endeavors.
I care for my friends.  I have only five close ones and these people are EXTREMELY important to me.  They care for me and my children.  They sincerely want what is best for me & those children.  I feel honored that most of the time I am the "go to" friend for support. Not advice, but support.....I'm not big on giving advice because I feel that in order to give sound advice, you have to be an expert.  And when it comes to matters of the heart among other things I'm definitely not an expert.  I just listen and offer a few questions to either clarify what I'm hearing or to get them to start thinking.
I also care for myself.  I have a lot of confidence in myself.  I know that I'm a good person.  I care for me because of the way I care for others.  Part of the person I am is rooted in the way I love others.
I've noticed that when I feel that I don't have that in return, it isn't because of them.  It's because of me.  I don't let them know that I still hurt a lot EVERY DAY.....that I get exhausted sometimes by some of the simplest things (like making my bed) and then I'll have energy enough to shovel snow.  Maybe if I would open my mouth and say what I need they would know.  Why do I assume they can read my mind?  The answer?  I don't like to burden people with my issues.  Mainly because I know the issues I have, they have no resolution for.  But, that's fine.  I wouldn't expect them to.  I just prefer to talk everything over with God and wait patiently or not so patiently,  for the resolution to come and/or the pain to subside, since I know it won't cease.

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.