My parents liked to gamble. They weren't addicted or anything. I mean they didn't not pay bills in order to gamble. They just did it for fun and I guess the thrill of winning. Now my Daddy, he bet on all types of things, games, horses, cards, dice and numbers.....My Mama just strictly played numbers and was pretty good at it. I go through things every so often....there's really so much stuff I don't even think I'll ever finish...then when I do, I still have stuff in storage. *shrug*.........I've come across her "numbers notebook", I look through it and try to figure out her "system", as with everything she kept, it was very organized......
I'm not really a gambler. If I keep running across a number, I'll play it. My Mama always told me to do that. If I see my birthday in a license plate, on a house, etc. Just put a dollar on it combo. I did actually hit a couple of times with her advice or by just playing whatever she was playing.
Since she's been gone, I think a lot about numbers, well a certain number in particular. The number 67. She was 67 when she left me and her sister/my aunt was 67 when she left as well. Coincidence? Maybe. Just an eerie coincidence to me.....Mainly because they are my bloodline, the whole heredity/genetics thing. The fact that they were adopted by my grandfather when he met my Nana and there is no clarity on where/what/who their biological father was (the secrets the older people keep sometimes, *smh*)....
Realizing that "coincidentally" I may only have a good 24 years left to do what I need to do or live how I want to live, caused me to change a lot about my life. Honestly, it may just be a strange coincidence that they both left at 67, but who knows. I mean, the reasons they left were TOTALLY different. My Aunt Tommie had been ill for a while, she had diabetes and needed a kidney. She had her leg amputated in March of '08 and never recovered fully. She left us in June of that same year. It was a long time spent in the hospital and it seemed like she was just slowly leaving. She was in a hospital in Illinois that was about 30 mins from home. After I got of work each day I drove my Mama out there to sit with her sister because I knew there was no place else she wanted to be. I did hate to see her so upset because she was worried about her sister/best friend.....My Mama's circumstances were very different. I may never really know why she left me because I wouldn't approve an autopsy (mainly because it wouldn't bring her back to me if they cut her open). All I know is it was quick! They said it "could have been" a mass they found on her lung. It "could have been" kidney disease. Or it "could have been" a massive stroke (which was what was listed as the cause on the death certificate).....So any of those things I could possibly die from at 67, but realistically I could die of anything at ANYTIME.
For that very reason, I try to live life to the fullest. No longer am I going to live unhappily for the sake of not damaging anyone else's feelings. I've found that the more and more I try to make someone else happy, the more and more some people try to take from me and thus diminish my happiness. I know everyday is not gonna be sunshine and blue skies, but those days should be cloudy because it's inevitable....not because I left myself in a situation/circumstance to be unhappy.
One thing that I noticeably changed is my care for my physical self. I hardly ever catch a cold or feel so ill that something over the counter couldn't help me out....but now, I go to the doctor regularly as scheduled, just for safety sake. If there is something wrong that I can be prepared for, then I'll be prepared. Not only that, I have my children to think of and not taking every necessary precaution to make sure they don't have to worry is actually a no-brainer......
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
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