Starting with the early hours of the morning, this entire day has been "off".....for me to hardly ever be sick or never really have any pain outside of a tooth or headache, I was having this weird pain in my chest....that wasn't the only thing that was off, my phone rang while I was asleep and I didn't hear it. That is strange in itself because my baby girl was at a sleepover and I normally always wake up when my phone rings, ESPECIALLY if my kids aren't at home. Well, when my phone rang again this morning. I felt a chill when I heard Gen's voice and then I felt like someone punched me HARD in the stomach when she said Thelma was gone.............
I've known her over half of my life. We weren't really close in high school, but I considered us friends because there was never a time when I saw her that there wasn't an exchange. Whether it was a quick "Hey Girl" or her sitting next to me in Mrs. Shropshire's English class making me laugh HARD.
Here we were years later reconnected through our mutual love for Gen. I was so glad for that reconnection. She was such a comforting voice to hear when my Mama left me. Her hugs were so genuine. Her smile infectious. There was no way that she would smile at you and you wouldn't smile back, no matter how you felt.......We found through just our casual conversations, laughing and being just silly that we thought very much alike. That we loved and hated the same things. The only difference I can see that we had is that she ate pork and like she would say, "I can't like that". :)
It wasn't until one day when I posted Tom Sawyer by Rush that we really said we were Twins. I mean really, two black girls liking (well loving) this hard rock song? What are the odds? We knew we were sisters from another mother then.....When my Mama left me, she was there. Offering words or no words. Another difference we had, which really balanced us out more than anything, was that she was more social than me. While she would like to talk to people, I prefer not to. She was also right there offering words and back up when I had to make a decision about how my life would be moving forward. When she was here for the Thanksgiving holiday her bus was delayed going back to Indy so we spent most of the day together talking and laughing. That is one time, I will thank Greyhound for their shoddy service. It allowed me to spend quality time with my Twin. :)
I can't imagine the hurt her boys are feeling (they actually are twins)....I guess that's another reason I can't imagine this happening. Their father just passed away last May and now their mother.....They're only 20yrs old!
I really don't feel like opening my mouth. Words hurt. I don't have breathe to speak them. Even if I did, I don't know what they would sound like coming out. The only real words I can put together to speak are "I just can't"....What "can't" I do? I can't believe this is happening. I can't believe those boys have to lose BOTH parents in less than a year. I can't believe that she won't be here to make me laugh when she says or types "Boo Nigga Boo". lol.......but mainly, I CAN'T BELIEVE GOD WOULD ALLOW THIS!
When my Mama passed all I could say then is, "I don't like it. But, I understand." I said that over and over again through my tears. I guess I was trying to make myself believe that. Because, actually I don't UNDERSTAND. I don't want to hear, "everything happens for a reason" or "she's in a better place". I know all that, I want to UNDERSTAND why this is happening. Why so much death, so young, leaving so much behind?
I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.
R.I.P. Twin. I Love You <3
Beautiful post.
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