Bitter/Better.........

I think my therapy appointments exhaust me more than anything.  More than "help" me, they make me tired.  Sometimes they seem like the LONGEST 45 minutes of my life.  Just sitting there being over and/or under analyzed......Last time I was there I told her that sometimes I don't want to "talk" about feelings....I just want to FEEL......I want to feel like the person I was before.  Before my Mama left me, before my Daddy left me take me back about 12 years and I'm good.
Very unrealistic and not gonna happen I know.  But, I think on who that person was and I think she was good and HAPPY.
I want to be her with the wisdom and peace of mind I have now.  I'm not NEARLY as hot-headed as her back then....While I can still be a hot-head, lol.....
I think more than I did back then.....I think BETTER than I did back then.
I love more than I did back then ....I love BETTER than I did back then.
I pray more than I did back then....I pray BETTER than I did back then.
While I feel I was a good person back then.....I feel I am a BETTER person now. It's easier for me to let go of things that aren't good for me now than it was back then.  Not saying I always want to let it go, just that it's easier.  It's also easier for me to identify toxic situations/relationships.  Back then I tried (too hard I think) to see the good in people or to make excuses for their behavior.
Now I feel it's time for people to see AND ACCEPT the good in me.  To take what I am for what I am...not for what you can make me to be or get from me.  When I'm on your team there is NOTHING you can't get from me, if I have it it's yours.....there is no need to be afraid to ask.  Because I'm the kind of person, if I don't want to do something....I WON'T. LBS
I am not the one to hold a grudge or bring up something that happened in the past.  Because I don't want it done to me.....A while back a "friend" of mine called me to tell me they saw an ex of mine, then proceeded to tell me what he had to say about me.  What he had to say didn't affect me because I knew he was bitter....What DID affect me was that this "friend/sister" of mine felt it was necessary to tell me......
I'm a proponent of not saying something to someone that may hurt their feelings.  ESPECIALLY if it's someone you care for.  Unless it's necessary for them to know, why bother.  Also, if I am your friend...why are you even entertaining him bashing me??? #hmmmmm
When taking all of this into consideration, I just had to realize that she is just as bitter towards me as he is....she just hid it well because she wasn't ready to let go of our friendship (or whatever it was, lol).  That's unfortunate and fortunate for her.  Unfortunate, because her bitterness lost a genuine friendship for her.  Fortunate, because had I been THAT Raven....the Raven from back THEN.....Man!!!! I would've brought up all kinds of stuff that would've possibly brought her to tears.....But, I'm BETTER than that....Eventually she will realize....SO IS SHE.

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.