Be Strong, Serve God Only...........

"Be strong, serve God only. Know that if you do, beautiful Heaven awaits....."

I was hearing this song in my background while on the phone with my attorney......I really hate that I have to speak with him as often as I do, but I learned over the past few years that if I don't LEGALLY have my stuff together, if something should happen to me. There are vultures in my family that would swarm on my children. #sadbuttootrue

It began when my Aunt left us almost 3 years ago. People in my family tree became CONSUMED by greed. She did good for herself, but we're not talking about an OPRAH FORTUNE. #geesh.....I mean they stole furs, jewelry, even LINEN. *smdh*....and this was while she was in the hospital. We did not even know she wasn't going to make it or that her will left everything to my Mama (the will "disappeared").

When she did leave us and I had to help my Mama get everything straight and find out what was what. I could see the strain on her face. The clear irritation that her other sister (or as she would call her, her mother's daughter) and her family would be so greedy and evil. We weren't at all "surprised" just irritated that lawyer fees had to be paid and court dates had to be kept in order for them to realize the end result. They weren't getting JACK......

Sometimes when I meditate I ask God to take the resentment away. I no longer "hate" them, because I don't have any kind of love for them and I feel that hate is just the antithesis of love. It takes just as much energy & emotion to hate as to love. I will not offer them any of my energy and definitely none of my emotion.....Honestly, I "resent" the fact that their family is still in tact (for what it's worth, lol)....No loss of mother or father. I resent that their greed put my Mama through all of that frustration. In some instances, I feel they contributed to her leaving me. I'm being honest..........*shrug*

I've recently found out that the "boss" of this family of thieves is in Divinity School.....REALLY?!?! LOL........If you have followed me, you know my views on organized religion and how I'm disenchanted with the church of today....This development pushes me further from the "doors of the church"...LBVS

I saw my pastor a few days ago and we talked about a lot of different things. He asked how I was doing, how my kids were. He asked about each of them by name. I LOVE that about him, my children's names all have the same letter and the are all masculine names (even though I have 2 girls). I appreciate him for that especially because he knows which is which and my Nana even gets that mixed up. LOL....He asked me everything under the sun EXCEPT why I haven't been to church. Being me, since he didn't ask....I didn't offer. :)...But, if he had asked I would have just asked him to understand that I don't get anything when I'm sitting there. I get more from sitting on my bedroom floor looking out the window with my thoughts and my different books. And I really think he would understand. But, if he wouldn't, it's of no consequence....I'm not changing my mind any time soon. :)

I call myself "Accidentally Strong".....I'm strong because I HAVE to be. There is no choice in the matter. If I'm weak, my children suffer. That is not an option. We are all we have and rather than thrust my male child into a role he's not ready for or doesn't have to be in (like too many women do)....I have to "man up" and be strong and hold our family down.  While I'm doing this, I have to remember my strength comes from serving God ONLY....Not the god lots of others serve, the "money god".  I feel by serving the Higher Being, everything else will fall in line.  In time....So I just have to "Go 'head Mr. Wendal, go 'head". :)

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.