The time is almost here.....

I am a genius at remembering dates/numbers.  Once you tell me when your birthday is, it can be years later and when I see you again I will remember it.  I have my driver's license number, credit/debit card numbers, insurance policy numbers and even vehicle VIN number stored right up here in my brain.....There are a few dates I wish I didn't remember...May 16, 1977 (the day my Poppa died), October 14, 1999 (when my son's jaw was broken in 3 places by a thug), April 20, 2003 at 5:13am (when I received the call my Daddy was gone), June 8, 2008 (when I had to go to church to tell my mother that her sister had died) and November 5, 2009.....I have gone through my memory data bank and I can not think of a worse day in my LIFE! The day my Mama left me............
I put it that way because I feel "left" behind. I feel like I'll never be loved like that EVER.  People often try to give advice and say, "think about how you got over your Dad". SO NOT THE SAME!  Don't misinterpret, I LOVED MY DADDY VERY, VERY MUCH....but when he left, my Mama was there to help me through.  She & my Daddy were LONG over, but I knew she knew we loved each other and I was hurting.  So she helped me.  Now where is she to help me get over her? :).......I know it sounds dumb, but I never wanted to think about her dying.  She always made mention of what she wanted me to do and I would always cut her off and say, "Ugh, Ma! I don't want to talk about that."  She would say, "OK..." (much the same way I do).  As I sit here thinking about what I'm going through with this loss, I know she would be sick of me right now and tell me *hand in the air*, "You gonna have to STOP THIS! Ugh! Just don't make no SENSE!!!"....I can tell you Mama....I know it doesn't make sense...I'm trying to make sense out of it....I just wish you were here to HELP ME............ I thank & appreciate all who will read. Peace