Some Times More than Others

Just returned from a District Meeting for the Federation of Colored Women's Clubs.  A club my Mama "made me" join.  At first, I was like, "may as well, I have to take her to all of the functions anyway."  How I miss taking her places, her telling me how to drive.  Looking right for me and getting in my way so I can't see.  Humming (off key) to music on the radio....When she left, my first thought was, "well, I don't have to be bothered with the 'old lady's club' anymore."  Then I noticed how the Vice President, Mrs. Naomi Lyles' spirit embraced me and how she was not going to "allow" me to leave the club.  It was mentally and emotionally overwhelming at first because it was too much of something She would do and I would just do whatever it was she told me to do.  Now, I am in her position as President and I am the one who has to know what to do.
I found out something very interesting that I never knew about Mrs. Lyles....in 1995, she lost her youngest child in a tragic car accident.  What was very interesting about it, was I remembered hearing about the accident.  I knew exactly what she was talking about when she brought it up.  It happened near the McDonald's on the Toll Road (I-90).  Her daughter was on her way to her very first day at work and was hit head on by another driver who became disoriented.  When the driver who caused the accident found out he had killed someone, he had a heart attack and died.....
I was more than overwhelmed when she shared that with me.  I felt a little selfish.  Here I am not coping with the loss of my mother.  Who was able to watch me become an adult, have children and get married (in that order, lol).  She was able to do all that with me and I'm almost positive she was happy about that.  Then here is Mrs. Lyles, as regal, kind and strong as she is.  Calmly talking about the loss of her child who had just received a perfect score on her pharmacy exam and was on her way to fantastic things.  She will never see her marry or have children.
I know it's the "little" milestones I shared with my Mama I should be grateful for.  She was able to see ALL of her grandkids become National Honor Society Inductees.  She saw her grandson give the Salutatory Address at his high school graduation.  Her granddaughter graduate with honors and give a poem she composed to the faculty....Her youngest granddaughter graduate from the 8th grade and participate in the Miss Indiana National Teen Pageant.....However, the selfish person I am wishes she would be able to see her youngest granddaughter graduate too.  I wish she would be able to know her great grandkids....there is even a part of me that wishes she could have met my nephew Derek...Even though I know the relationship (or lack thereof) she had with my father's other daughter...I REALLY think she would LOVE him like we all do....

Oh well, "I know I'm selfish but I...." ~ E. Badu :)....I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace