Yesterday

I thought yesterday was going to be a horrible day for me...It was and it wasn't. Yesterday was a year to the day that I took my Mama to the emergency room and the horror began. I thought about sitting there with her as she did her crosswords while we waited, how she gave me numbers to play for her in the morning. How I just knew, everything was going to be ok.

I think for some reason, today was worse for me.....another wasted day where I couldn't pull myself or thoughts together. I have a totally different burden on my heart and I feel guilty that it's not all about Mama. I honestly wish she were here to just tell me what to do. I hate still wanting her to save me, it seems so selfish. But, I can truly say now that all the times when people would say, "I know you're spoiled since you're an only child" and I would say, "No, I'm not." I lied. I can tell now that I was spoiled rotten with love and protection (not just things). Because, now that it's gone I feel like I'm clutching to a life raft trying desperately to stay afloat because I know I can't swim.

It is also interesting to me how quickly feelings can change. From yesterday to today, in a blink of an eye, in a turn of a page.........

I thank and appreciate all who will read. Peace.